I called the vet today, and once again set up the after-hours appointment for my shih tzu, Pele. I've promised him that I won't cancel this time. There is a lot going on, but more importantly, there is Pele's comfort. I have to do this thing!
Trying to launch a start-up is a time consuming and anxiety laden process; trying to bootstrap that start-up, well, there are no adjectives strong enough. Now, doing this while trying to make the decision to euthanize the very inspiration for your flagship product and you start second-guessing every other choice you have to make.
Pele's arthritic back has left him in a perpetual hunch and his hips no longer have much control over the movement of his legs, but he can move - in a sort of sideways, crab-like crawl. He does eat and he does drink. His bodily functions seem a-okay, though a bit more spontaneous than a year ago. And this is where I waver every time. After all, isn't it supposed to be the inability to do these things that signals the time has come? Isn't it that easy?
I watched him this morning as he stumbled toward his pillow to find comfort while suffering through a mid-morning tremor. We have tried most of the medicines for pain, anxiety and seizures, but nothing seems to give him much relief. I picked him up and walked with him, which sometimes helps the trembling subside. And then, our eyes met and I instantly understood - Pele does not want me to pick him up anymore...
So, we are on again for tonight my dear, sweet inspiration. I promise you this time.